Ten Things I'd Tell My Teenage Self

I'm currently 22 years old so that means I was 19, 3 years back. Looking back, there are many things that I'll do differently based on things that I have learned and experiences that I have experienced.

Teenage years last better part of a decade  it starts from 13 years and end at 19. It's an arbitrary selected period of life, but generally they go different for everyone.

Teenage years are hard and tremulous time for almost everyone, but for me they were extra hard, as I was learning to live with my disability for the first time. For most people, teenage years go something like this for majority of young people.

¹) "My teenage years were exactly what they were supposed to be. Everybody has their own path. It's laid out for you. It's just up to you to walk it".

- Justin Timberlake

²) "I think there's a time in your life where you don't feel like you fit in. I think everyone has that when you're a teenager, especially, and especially in the society we live in".

- Matthew Vaughn

From my vintage point of having seen all of my teenage years, here are some of the
things I'll tell my teenage self these things.

1) Start To Enjoy Little Things In Life

As all other teenagers, I had always life goals and 'dreams to fulfil' in mind. This has few negative consequences of its own, biggest of which is that I now feel that I didn't appreciated little things in life - like enjoying vacations to fullest or having immersive conversation with my friends.

When we're teenagers we don't really comphrend time spans of our own lives and of people who are around us, and suddenly the people around us start to leave us one by one. It is here that most people (including myself) understand the importance and need of genuine human connection.

If I could somehow time travel to say when I was 15 or 16, I'll try to do random act of mindful kindness, like helping my elders or younger cousins with academic. This will surely make me feel better about myself, make me a more productive individual for folks around me and might as well give me some lifelong experiences/friendships. From my vintage point I can see that friendship that spring out from positivity lasts longer then friendship that springs out from sheer circumstance.

2) You Are You're Own Worst Critic

Regardless of age, this thing always holds true. You'll be you're harshest critic and doubter. This is also the case with me, and this was more true when I was a teenager.

Out of fear of failure and rejection, I didn't pursue things that I really wanted and out of social pressure accepted things that I knew I didn't wanted to do.

There's this this quote that describes this phenomenon and how to handle it best

"Your harshest critic is always going to be yourself. Don't ignore that critic but don't give it more attention than it deserves".

- Michael Ian Black

In my early 20's, I've suddenly come to the realisation that it's only yourself and nobody else that suffers from not following (or even trying to be) where your heart and dreams wants you to be. Following my passions and interest would definitely had save me from alot of troubles.

Apart from this, I've realised that failure on path that you want yourself to be - this failure hurt less and is generally less of a demoralising force instead it becomes a motivational force pushing you towards your dreams.

Being your own motivational speaker and training your mind to back your body in time of trouble is a trait of successful people that you can at any age but it work best when you learn it young (especially in your teenage years).

3) Don't Be Afraid Of Failure - Take Risks

Teenage years feel like a nostalgic period when they're over, but when you're a teenager, it feels like alot. During this phase most young individual (especially those who are in their late teens) feel afraid of exploring themselves, from taking risk. I was one of these, I out of peer pressure and fear of rejection/failure didn't take any risks, you'll fail once, twice or even thrice but if you try and give it you're all, you're bound to succeed.

There's this quote that I'm constantly reminded whenever I think about thus topic.

"You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in".

- Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass


I'll tell teenage myself not to be worried or overwhelmed by fear of failure, give whatever I want my full effort and than even if I fail than, don't be upset or mad about it for long.

4) It's Okay Not To Have Everything Figured Out

Teenagers have no hands on real world - experiences of a practical life. This often leads to them worrying, them trying to figure out their lifes, their ambitions and their often complicated family relationships all at the same time.

I suffered from same worries, not realising that it's okay not to have everything figured out in my teenage years, over these years I've realized is that most people for entirety of their adult lives don't figure out what they really want with their lives. If I were live those years over again, I'd be worried about the future very little and just living in the moment.

5) Cherish Freindships

It's really difficult to make genuine, long term freindships as you grow older and older. During teenage years, everybody is going through approximately the same problems - be it social, personal or academic, this makes freindships that spring in teenage years more relatable and memorable as you tend to mature and grow older together. Plus teenage years are the only time when people have free time these days, everyone else is busy with thier lives. There's this quote that's says:

"It is never too late to put your heart and soul into anything positive that you cherish relationships, friendships ,etc... All is for the giving and all is for the taking".

Gebru Villars

Personally, I can say with certainty that I've cherished and enjoyed my freindships during my teenage years, but there's a part of me thats still remenesent of those days, so I go back, I'll be actively making new friends and trying to make my bond stronger with already existing friend group.

6) Sometime You Just Don't Fit In

I was born with spina bifida, because of which I walk differently and my legs are bended outwards from my knees. As a teenager I was very much conscious about my deformality and that made me nervous, anxious and overly observent in all social situations. Obviously this had a negative impact on my mental health and my academic went downhill from there on.

Over the years, I've read many books, articles, attended therapy sessions and listenened to experts and disable people on how to life and overcome self doubt.

"You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in".

Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

A therapist said to me that there are two types of things in our lifes, one that are in our control and thus we can subsequently change these things while other being things that are out of our control and we cannot change them even if want them to change. In these years, I've learned that the way I walk or the way my legs are out of my control thus I should stop worrying about it and make peace with it.

If I could go back in time and don't to my past self, I'll him to accept the bitter reality and learn to live with it.

7)  Find Happiness In Moments Not In Entirety Of Life

As folks who've bearly any or no real life experience, young people and teenagers in particular have a very flawed idea of happiness, a flawed image thats mainly constructed and build upon by years of pop media consumption like movies, songs or music. I was just like your average teenager with this normal sense of what happiness is.

As I have grown older, met new people and have had new experiences, I've realised that happiness always exists in small moments that we don't comprehend when it's happening around us.

If somehow someone made a time machine and I could use it, I'd tell my teenage self that be mindful of happy moments that you'll experience. There's this quote that explains this thing beautifully.

"The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.”
—Thich Nhat Hanh


8) Your Body Insecurity Is Perfectly Justified And Rational

As I have previously wrote that when I was a teenager, I was insecure by my own body and thus had problems fitting in with my surroundings and general society.

After discovering online forums where people with spina bifida share their experience, problems, I've come to a realisation that it's absolutely common for people who've this condition to walk like me or to use a wheelchair. If I could travel back in time, I'll tell my old self to worry less about my physical appearance and even if I do worry about, have this back of my mind that's its absolutely rational and justified to be this way and to walk this way.

9) Start Earning / Learn A New Digital Skill

"This knowledge that you might have to really reorganize and redefine yourself and build new skills is really important".

- Unknown

"Invest in self-improvement, be it for learning, be it for earning".

- Vikrm Verma

Starting earning early, before your peers made any money can be good use of your ample free time. It gives you prestige among your freinds and most importantly help you to understand the importance the money plays in our modern world.

If by some magic I could back in time, I'd tell my old self or rather force him to start earning, it doesn't how small the amount is, in that age bracket, it doesn't really matter. One of the most important thing young adults in their 20's do is to become financially independent from their parents, I could have achieved that during my teenage years if someone had guided my that way.

Other advice I'd give my old teenage self is to learn a new digital skill and practice it. Back in 2010's, Freelance market was not as saturated as its now, making it almost impossible for people with basic skills to earn even a little using these platfroms.

10) You're Only Main Character In Your Own Lifes Story

Due to recent surge in Internet and social media, teenager think they're living in a movie, where everything revolves around them, making them anxious, depressed and burned out. This always has negative effect and consequences on teenager physical and mental health.

If someone somehow transformed me into past, when I was a teenager, I'd live with more gratitude and respect for others. In short, I'd try be an empthathic individual.